I am an Albanian computer virus but because of poor technology in my country unfortunately I am not able to do any harm to your computer. Please be so kind to delete one of your important files yourself and then forward me to the other users. Many thanks for your cooperation!

For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on. At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000  >>>

These great questions and answers are from the days when Hollywood Squares game show responses were spontaneous and clever, not scripted and (often) dull as they are now.

Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course.

Q: Do female frogs croak?
A: Paul Lynde - If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

Q:  >>>

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0.  I soon noticed that the new program began with unexpected child processing that took up a  lot of space and valuable resources.  In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activities such as Poker Night 10.3, Football  >>>

Attention TO ALL EMPLOYEES WHO WORK WITH RUDE CUSTOMERS

Indeed, an award should go to the Virgin Airlines gate attendant in Sydney some months ago for being smart and funny, while making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo.
A crowded Virgin Airlines flight was cancelled after Virgin's 767s had  >>>

If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, "Who's on first?" might have turned out something like this:

COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO:  >>>